From Tension to Teamwork: The Leader's Guide to Conflict Resolution
Conflict is like a fire. If left unattended, it can grow and spread, causing damage and destruction. Find out from my personal experience on how to manage it to fuel organizational change and growth.
I’m an introvert by nature. By virtue of that I’ve a limited number of energy coins to spend in any given day. Conflicts or Difference in opinions or discordant views - call them whatever, are the things that force me to spend maximum coins. My number 1 goal each day at work is to spend as few coins as possible towards this. I defaulted to avoiding conflicts as a result. Either by giving in or deflecting it. It has served me some days but looking back, it has done more harm than it has served me.
It just reminds me of this Kural by Valluvar, a Tamil poet/philosopher from 2300 years ago.
Kural 674: வினைபகை என்றிரண்டின் எச்சம் நினையுங்கால்தீயெச்சம் போலத் தெறும்
The incomplete execution of an undertaking and hostility will grow and destroy one like the (unextinguished) remnant of a fire.
It basically says unresolved conflicts and unfinished work are like unextinguished fire that will come back to destroy you completely. While it hasn’t destroyed me, it certainly slowed me down in my leadership journey. In this post, I’ll share my experiences, what you can learn from it and some techniques to practice conflict resolution in the work place. Lets go.
The conflict
Several years ago, I had a senior engineer in my team at odds with my engineering manager direct. Both were high performers and hard working individuals themselves and knowledgeable in their respective role and level.
The senior engineer, let’s say John is a perfectionist who is very detail-oriented and likes to dig deep and raise the code standards produced by fellow engineers.
The engineering manager, let’s say Sarah optimizes for speed and prefers to focus on the big picture. She delegates tasks as needed and trusts that they will do their jobs well.
The conflict between John and Sarah arose during a project where they were both responsible for different aspects of the development process. John was in charge of the technical design and implementation, while Sarah was responsible for project management and coordinating with other teams.
One day, John noticed that some of the code that Sarah's team had written was not up to his standards and could cause potential issues down the line. He brought this to Sarah's attention, but she dismissed his concerns, saying that it was not a priority at the moment and that they needed to focus on meeting the project's deadline.
John felt that Sarah was not taking his concerns seriously and that she did not have the technical expertise to make informed decisions about the project. He began to take matters into his own hands, making changes to the code without consulting Sarah or the rest of the team.
Sarah became frustrated with John's behavior, feeling that he was not respecting her role as project manager and was undermining her authority. She felt that John was being overly critical and not giving her team the chance to fix any issues on their own.
As a result of this conflict, John and Sarah began to lose trust in one another. John felt that Sarah was not competent enough to manage the project, while Sarah felt that John was not respecting her authority and was making unilateral decisions without consulting the rest of the team.
My 1-1s with John and Sarah were never complete within the 30 mins. We had stressful 1-1s and I’d often walk out confused with the right next steps. I got conflicting advice from my mentors. Some advised me that it is a natural part of software development that they’ll learn it with experience and others gave extreme advice to let one or both of them go.
I’ve been putting off the decision for far too long that it started having a negative impact on the project, as delays and misunderstandings began to arise. The conflict between John and Sarah escalated, leading to tension and a breakdown in communication between the two.
Aha moment
And just like that, there was this particular 1-1 that came as an enlightenment for me. John mentioned something along the lines of “I’m a Sr. SDE and my primary job is to uphold code quality. I’d expect conflicts to arise with Sarah if I did my job right. If you’re seeing conflicts that means the process is working well.” Just then, John intentionally or unintentionally hinted that I may have to be comfortable with conflicts arising in the workplace. Anytime I hear feedback like that, I like to confront criticism with curiosity.
Resolution
In my conversations, I realized I’ve not setup a model culture to address conflicts head-on in order to find a resolution. I had given feedback about being civil in their comments and behavior but civil did not buy collaboration. It was an important management lesson early on in my career. My resolution took the following path:
Keep people out of the problem. Sr. SDE wanted to uphold code quality at all costs and the engineering manager prioritized delivering faster sometimes at the expense of code quality and design shortcuts. They were both dangerous.
Find mutual value in each other’s work. They almost forgot that the ultimate goal was to create meaningful customer value. I explained how John’s need to insist the highest standards added little value in some instances and delayed the project and how Sarah’s de-prioritization of code improvements led to major customer escalation. They both had to see each other’s value they bring to the table.
Invent options to maximize gain: I had John implement an auto-inspect solution that gets executed with each build approval process to satisfy John’s need to inspect code quality. Sarah appreciated the automated workflow that caught issues prior to deployments to production. I also has John train few of Sarah’s engineers which helped John further see practical difficulties the team faced as part of the development process.
By the end of that year, they were able to rebuild their trust in one another and work collaboratively towards the successful completion of the project.
Bringing this altogether - Conflict is like a fire. Just as a fire can provide warmth and light when it is controlled and directed, conflict can lead to new ideas, innovation, and stronger relationships when it is managed in a positive and constructive way. My initial aversion to conflict was like ignoring a small flame, which eventually grew into a full-blown fire. But by seeking help and actively working to address the conflict, I was able to contain and redirect the energy of the conflict towards positive outcomes, just as a well-managed fire can provide warmth and light without causing harm.